Clearly you are mistaken

So I had been in conversations with a local model about doing some pictures for the Backstage Project.  Initially, she was in favor of the idea; however we had just a little difficulty arraigning a date and time for us to get together and shoot.  The first date had to be postponed until another time.  This was all well and good with me so I told her to get back with me when she finds a better opportunity.

Today I get a message from her stating that her husband just realized that I was a male photographer and that he doesn’t want her to shoot any type of nudes with male photographers.  There are reasons that husbands and boyfriends feel this way so I don’t have issue with this.  I do allow husbands or boyfriends to accompany the models (escorts) if they wish in order for them to feel more secure.

I do my photography for the art of it so I try to remain flexible when it comes to matters such as this.  I’m not out here to molest anybody or cause them any issues so if it makes them feel better I’m comfortable with that.  My only requirement is that they aren’t allowed to interfere with the process of the shoot.  If that’s not good enough, I’m happy not to work with them. I do this as a hobby.  There’s no need for any parties involved to suffer for it.

Apparently the fact that he can accompany his wife to a shoot with me was not enough reassurance so even a shoot with him escorting her was out of the question.  Even though this was the first time that she had mentioned he might be escorting her to a shoot, I passed on bringing up that matter.  Basically it was pointless.  There wasn’t going to be a shoot and I had no problem with it.

Got to be more to it than my gender

I kind of got the feeling that there was more to it.  His logic didn’t make sense to me.  He was okay with it if I was a female photographer.  If he has a problem with a man seeing her in any degree of nudity why would he allow pictures of such to be made?  What difference does my gender have to do with it?  Would it make a difference if I was gay?

Additionally, she stated that she didn’t realize that I was a man  due to my nickname of Star Child.¹ At the top of my portfolio it clearly states that I’m male and I have a picture of myself on the front of my port.  These two items are kind of hard to miss and it would seem that if gender were a matter of importance such information would be researched.

She has, also, had the opportunity to call my telephone number and leave a message.  I can assure you I do not sound like a female on the phone.  I think it was pretty obvious that I’m a man.

As she put it, they had just discovered my gender through my Facebook profile.  This is when her husband raised objections to her shooting with me.

Considering all of this I feel pretty sure there is more to it than me being a male photographer and that there may have been some additional issues.  Again, I don’t really have a problem with that.  That’s for them to decide and not me.  There’s no loss on my behalf.

I’m bailing on the friends list

Not wishing to be a burdensome presence in anyone’s network I explained to this model that I would be removing my name from any “friends” lists that we might be mutually on due to our related connections.  My feeling is if her husband has a problem with me then he’s not going to feel secure if my name is on one of her “friends” lists so my action was only to stave off any further problems for them.

Far too many times I’ve heard stories of somebody’s significant other having a problem with who is on their friends list or contact list.  I’m just dis-associating to prevent any such issues.  I’ve already had to deal with such mess from my ex-wife’s baby’s daddy taking issue with me having contact with his son and that boy is part of my extended family.  People and their insecurities get way out of line.

So, as I said, I told her that I would remove her from my contacts.

She asked if I would like her to continue to refer perspective models my way and I told her that I didn’t think it right for me to ask of her such a favor.

Taking offense

She replied that she was offended by my implying that there was something else to their decision while trying to explain that is was common place for the male “race” to have such insecurities about their wives posing for photographers.  She wanted to assure me that they were both fans of my work, but would bother me no more.

I don’t think so

Ma’am, clearly you are mistaken to think that I am unaware of the insecurities that cause S.O.’s to place restrictions on their modeling lovers even as much as you are mistaken to think that I will easily accept that excuse for why you have chosen not to work with me on this particular idea.

I submit that something else in my Facebook profile or perhaps something written here in this blog caught someone’s attention and gave reason for them to be against her working with me.  I’m not going to further suggest what that is because it would merely be unproven speculation; however I doubt very much it’s because I’m a male photographer.

Ultimately, it’s still no loss for me.  The way I see it she’s not a model I need to be working with so it’s to my benefit.

Plus I learned something new today.  Apparently I’m a member of the male race.  Wow.  I did not know this.

Human race >> black race >> male race.  Interesting.

K

1. Star Child is my nickname that I use on Model Mayhem↩

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• In response to my confession of bias Tue 13 Oct 2009
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• First milestone – The Backstage Project Mon 19 Apr 2010