All my life I’ve been made to feel like I’m not enough. It’s been such a challenge because all my life I’ve always known that by my birthright I am enough.

Time after time after time I’ve been hit with life experiences that are based in the concept that I’m just not enough. It was always this knowledge of who I am that’s always kept me pushing on. It’s what always kept me trying to be the best that I could be.

I’ve never doubted myself (until recently). Even now it’s not really a feeling of not being enough. It’s more like I’ll fail in my efforts to do something and get it right. Some dumb mistake or overlooking something that really matters, but I’m enough. I can succeed.

Anyway, I was contemplating a friend and as an offshoot I analyzed myself for a bit. I guess I was in the proper mindset to see somethings more clearly. It’s at the center of my lifelong struggles. Me always having to battle through something to be what I’m capable of being. Sometimes it didn’t work out. A lot of times it didn’t work out.

Never lost faith in myself. Just reached a point where I felt very undervalued.

Something, sometimes well, today I recognized that I can’t be what I want to be because it’s just not my role. Despite a very cool morning spent with a friend I’m sad and feeling lifeless because it’s just not my job to do. I’ve got a different role. One I’m very passionate about.

I’m proud, thankful for what I get to do. It’s just that it doesn’t stop that hammering screaming at me that I’m not enough.

Standing by watching other people do what I wish to do like I’m not enough. I’m enough. Just not my role.

I’ll pretend I can hang. Pretend it’s not my concern. Pretend I’m happy and satisfied in my role.

Somewhere someone’s hitting that bong again and dreaming of a new space.

Me? Well, I’ve got this car…